Embracing the Struggle

 Life is weird these days. In my teaching life, we are back to school, five days in person, and singing with essentially no restrictions on what we do in class or our performances (we do have a mask requirement, but aside from that school is pretty much...dare I say... normal ) . I am reconnecting with my students again, making music and doing things more or less the way we used to. In my personal life, my partner and I bought a house together, she started a new job, and our relationship is going strong. I'm vaccinated, most if not all of the people I care about are vaccinated...things there are great.  And yet.  I say life is weird because despite all of that, the world at large has never felt so absolutely out of control. Things "out there" haven't gotten better since the pandemic shut everything down, in fact one could argue things just keep getting worse. As a person with an anxiety disorder who is also a serious  future-oriented thinker, I go into a complete and...

Three hundred and eighty-eight days. That is how long I went without hearing my choirs sing fully together. There was the shutdown, where we weren't together at all, and a period of remote choir that lasted a couple of months this winter, but most of the year we've been hybrid, with only parts of the choir singing together at once. There were no rhyme or reason to these cohorts...here's a cohort of only 6 kids, here's a cohort of only 3. The tenors? We'll split them randomly, right down the middle so these boys won't know what it's like to sing with their whole section. We've managed, we've worked hard to just tread water and not lose any more ground than we have to (how about that for a mixed metaphor), but it hasn't been easy and hasn't always felt a lot like choir.  Until today. On Day 389,  all of our students were back in the building at once, 5 days a week. No more hybrid. No more cohorts. There's a lot of strong feelings about whet...

  A truly remarkable woman left this earth two days ago, unexpectedly and far too soon. She was my incredible principal, a pillar of our Overland-Prairie community, a mother of three children, a wife, a fierce advocate of education, a singer, and a Servant of God. I have been struggling with the shock and the pain since I heard the news, grasping and failing to make sense of this. This year has already been hard enough, our community has already absorbed too much heartbreak, without losing Aleshia. Our Leader and our Light is just gone, with no warning. Just here one day and the next day...not. This wasn't supposed to happen.  I think it's human nature to view losing someone through the lens of how it affects you personally. It's not a particularly noble thing to admit, but we can't help it. As I write about her, my mind keeps coming back  to Aleshia Armour the principal. As many people far more qualified than I could speak to, she was also so much more than that, but s...

 A couple of years ago, my therapist told me that the idea of "should" is the enemy of any healthy relationship. So often unhappiness results from a dissonance between our expectations and our reality, and the word "should," when applied to your partner and your partner's actions (my partner should  be doing this certain thing), or when applied to one's image of one's relationship (our relationship should look this certain way), can cause all sorts of unrealistic expectations. My memory of this conversation with my therapist resurfaced this week as I did my weekly mental wrestling match with the realities of hybrid learning. I realized that "should" is a dangerous concept in a lot of different aspects of life, not just one's relationships, and that it had been surreptitiously lurking in my feelings and expectations about this school year and thus making me miserable.  Honestly, I thought I was doing a great job of managing my expectations o...

I get it. We're all struggling. All sick of hearing about COVID-19 and how it's changed everything. We've all looked at the same memes about being stuck inside, all shared in the collective outrage at people who refuse to take this pandemic seriously and shared in the collective support of our health care workers, grocery store workers, and others who are the front lines of this. Those of us who are teachers are scrambling to figure out online learning and posting about how much we miss our students. We're all (or at least I am), completely and utterly terrified when we read articles about the current death toll and about how much this pandemic might spread, how long this all might last. So I'm not really expecting anyone to read this (which is how I usually approach this blog), because the last thing anyone really needs  is another online take about COVID-19 and how we're coping with it. But it has quite literally taken over the world, and all of our lives an...

Part 10: Choir Kids Are Made, Not Born, and Middle School is When We Make Them Consider the choir kid. I don't mean simply "a kid who is in choir," but rather the choir kid.  You know the one I'm talking about, the one that eats, sleeps and breathes choir. Who is obsessed with music and singing and seeks out as much choir in their lives as they possibly can. They probably end up a student leader and/or volunteering a great deal of their time to the choir program in high school, and they might even major in music in college. They will, at the very least, end up lifelong lovers of (and hopefully singers or supporters of) choral music, and will look back fondly on their choral experiences. They are that kid, who truly loves being in choir and giving their all to the choir, even if they never end up studying music past high school. Those kids aren't born, they are made. Kids who love to sing and sang from a very young age? Sure. I've encountered kids like t...