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Is this the one you can't come back from?

What do you do when this blow feels like the blow you can't come back from? When you've been knocked down over and over and over again, and you keep pulling yourself back up, does there come a point when you just stay down?

Hanging by a thread. Dealing with every challenge, every struggle. We took every hit and carried on. But this? I don't know how to survive this.

There's a quotation that says something to the effect of "if you're going through hell, keep going." Apparently Winston Churchill said it. I remember it from some disposable country song they used to play on the radio. Do we keep going through hell because we know we can make it out through the other side? Or because we literally have no other option?

You bury yourself in the work. The work is still there. Of course it is.

Omnipresent.

Never-ceasing.

There will always be kids that need you.

So you walk back in and you do your job. Possibly because you just don't know what else to do, but also because it's your damn job.

You don't make it about you. Because it's not about you. It's not about your pain, your struggle. All of that is irrelevant. Don't think about tomorrow, absolutely don't think about next year. Just do the job.

It's all you have.

I am so tired. Tired of standing up at the front of that room and giving the same damn speech. For two years. So many times. We're stronger together. Take care of each other. We'll get through this. I am here for you. Speaking of hope when only a few weeks, few months later there will be a new crisis. I can't keep doing this.

But I give the speech anyway. And I add that this time I really need to lean on my kids as much as I let them lean on me. And they all group hug me. And I have enough strength to get through the day. And the rest of the week. And I keep going, for a little longer at least.

What will be the blow from which I finally cannot come back? Try not to let it be this one.

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